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The
rising sons - the situation to a shortage
of brides?
For Nguyen Thi
Lan Anh from Hai Phong, becoming pregnant
was a disaster rather than a cause for happiness.
Three months into her second pregnancy,
her husband took her to a private clinic
for the sex of the child to be indentified.
When the answer was “a girl”,
a family meeting was organized where every
member of the family tried to convince her
to get an abortion. Her husband is the eldest
son, so a boy was necessary for the sake
of what is known as “saving the family”.
Like most other
countries in Asia, Viet Nam is an agricultural
society and a patriarchy, where men have
absolute power over the family. The introduction
of Confucianism. thousands of years ago
only strengthened this order, which was
already supported by long-term village customs.
Neither the idea of equality between women
and men, which came to Viet Nam in the early
19th century with the French colonialists,
nor the recently launched concept of “gender
equality”ara strong enough to change
this mindset.
“Around
30 per cent morthers are not happy about
the sex their child”commented Pham
Xuan Dai of thr Institute of Sociology.
His collegue, sociologist Trinh Hoa Binh,
said that “over 80 per cent of fathers
feel uncomfortable if they have no son”.
At the beginning of the new millennium,
a child’s sex remains an important
issue in conforming a woman’s position
in her husband’s family- many women
feel inadequate until they have a son.
Sons, particularly the eldest, play a central
role in Vietnamese families. From generation
to generation, they are responsible for
spiritual matters such as worshipping the
ancestors, as wel as maintaning the continuity
of the family line. If a family has no son,
it is believed to have ended.
Mrs Huong of Ha
Noi fell pregnant with in a month of getting
married. At first she was completely pampered
by her husband and his family, but everything
changed for the worse after a scan revealed
the child was a girl. Her husband offen
stay out late. “It seemed, it was
my fault that we had a daughter”,
she said. Now the child is 15 months old
her husband is planning a “strategy”
to have a son by replacing wine and coffee
with yoghurt and stopping smoking. These
methods worked for one of his friends, who
recently had aboy after two daughters.
The expectation
to have a son is so strong that some people
dare to exceed the limit ruled by laws.
Dedpite the Pupulation Ordinance (in May
1,2003), which regulates each family to
a maximum of two children, many families,
especially those in rural areas, have three
or even four.
Mrs Le Thi Thao,
a 40- year-old woman in Ha Noi, resgned
from a senior position in a state- owned
corppration to have her third child with
the solepurpose of getting a son. Many other
Vietnamese women would be happy to give
up a good job for the same reason.
Aithough abortion
is legal in hospitals or private clinics
in Viet Nam, even in rural and mountainous
areas, others procure unofficial abortions
or take particular herbs the knowledge of
which has been handed down though generations
in hope of the same result.
Even ten years
ago, fathers without sons had to accept
inferior positions in family meeting or
otherwise suffered discrimination, and still
today men ara teased for the same reason.One
army office burst into tears when his comrades
mentioned thr prospect of him never having
a son.Not entirely joking, his wife says
she is willing to let him remarry to have
a son although she claims that “if
women give birth to daughters, it is not
entirely their fault but men’s too”.
The subject is
even more serious for country people. If
a woman does not have a son, her husband’s
family can persuade him to divorce her.
This is the reason why many women have to
secretly share their husbands with other
women who may give them a son, even though
everyone knows it is illegal. The phenomenon
exists in all strata of society, teachers,
civil servants and business people as well
as uneducated farmers.
“Daughters
ara other people’s childen”,says
one famer who has two wines, one official,
who gave him three daughters, and one unofficial,
who has a 10-year-old son.
“When she
grows up, she leaves home to be another
family’s daughter-in-law. You can’t
rely on her. That’s why I need a son
ton take care of me when I get old and frail”.
Many reasons
are given to explain this male chauvinism,
a cocept vehemently opposed by those who
support feminism at all costs. But these
days even the media is encouraging the expectation
of having a son. Ten years ago, advice about
how to have a son was absent from newspapers;
people talked about such things in secret
.Books of guidance can now be found in book
shops in even the most remote areas. Directions
on how to achieve his blessed state abound
in the popular press, specialist magazines
and on-line publications.
In offices, women
talk quite openly about it. It’s obviously
a reflection of an essential demand in society.
Although no surveys or studies have been
undertaken to assess the effectiveness of
the various methods, they are continuously
applied everywhere –often with the
assistance of modern technology. Recently,
thanks to advanced diagnostic equipment,
parents can discover the sex of their child
within three months of falling pregnant.
In fact disclosing the child’s sex
after a scan is illegal, according to Article
7 of the Population Ordinance, but it is
some thing that happens all over the country.
Despite the claim
by Mr Le Anh Tuan, Deputy Director of C
Hospital in Ha Noi that “recently,
the phenomenon of defining the child’s
sex has decreased”, it happens in
every private or state clinic, nut in a
more secretive way. Slipping a VND 20,000
note into the doctor’s hands and asking
“how about my baby?” provokes
an answer such as “your baby will
pee standing up”. This is just an
everyday conversation; no one will accuse
the doctor of revealing the sex of the foetus.
And of course
it is impossible to ban mothers from knowing
the results of high-tech colour or 4D scans;
they discover their child’s sex even
though the doctors keep quiet.
Most people want
a son, and, as a result, the population
structure is changing noticeably. According
to a report by the Vietnamese Committee
of population, Family and children, early
this year 289,162 boys were born compared
to 216,585 girls; the new born sex rate
was 110,8 boys for 100 girls. But this is
nothing new. According to the 1999 population
censuc, the rate has increased rapidly over
the past 10 years.It rose over 110, exceeding
the natural mark of 104-106, in 29 provinces
and cities. Five of eigh regions in the
country reported an “unusual threshold”
of above 107.
Although the
phenomenon is not as serious as in neighbouring
China, where according to China Population
Today (August, 2005), the new-born male
rate was 116.86 to 100, sociologists warn
that if the problem is not soon addressed,
within 20 years Vietnam will have to face
a situation of a shortage of brides. But
perhaps that will signal the end of chauvinism,
a time when Vietnamese girls will be able
to emulate their Sinhaporean sisters and
choose the “six Cs” - a career,
condominium, car, credit card, cash and
coking. Not to mention a groom for life.
Source: Vietnam
Travel Guide
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